Balance

I wrote this post a week or so ago but have debated as to whether I should post it or not. It's kind of like commenting on how well the kids are getting along. No sooner do you say it than they start yelling or crying or there's a big bang. And that's why I've been afraid to post this. It's on balance, and with the crazy season of Christmas coming I don't want to jinx myself. :-) But I'll live on the edge and post it anyway. If nothing else, maybe it will be a good way to hold myself accountable.

Wow - I am shocked to say this, but I feel like I have achieved balance in my life for the first time in at least two years. I was on a continual quest for balance - I read books on it, had balance as a constant prayer request, and tried my best to get there...but found my life to be spinning out of control no matter what I did. What has changed?

In preparing for the adoption, we were told to simplify life as much as we could the first year. So we've taken that advice and have tried to cut out all but the most critical (as we see it). Although many of the things we were involved in were good things, too many good things leads to no good. :-) Now that we are evaluating everything through our "is it necessary?" lenses, we are not booking ourselves up like crazy and are finding more time at home as a family.

I'm generally pretty guilt driven. If someone would lay a guilt trip on me I would almost always give in. And I'm usually the one laying the guilt trip on myself...I should go help at the church for that event. I should have those people over. I should, I should, I should. However, I keep coming back to the same thing...we need to keep our lives simple. All of the adoption books agree, and it is so freeing to NOT have to sign up for everything and realize that right now that is what is best for the family.

The other thing that has really helped is that I'm not working. I am planning on going back part time in March, and, I'll admit, I'm pretty scared of becoming off balance again. I'm enjoying my life so much right now...I'm organizing drawers, keeping the house clean, cooking healthier food, baking more often, working out or walking almost daily, being more intentional about teaching the girls spiritually, prioritizing my quiet times with God, emotionally not stressed, spending lots of time bonding with Mebira and doing English lessons with her, etc....and I really wonder how I'll squeeze work in there again. The good thing is that I really enjoy what I do, and my job is very flexible, and I'll probably only start with 10 hours a week...so that should be do-able.

We've cut out a lot of social activities. We have so many great friends both at church and outside of church. In the past, we were constantly planning to get together with different people and would sometimes be planning months in advance. As we still need to cocoon our family a bit and want to prioritize our immediate and extended family and closest relationships, we have really cut out on a lot of social activities. I am so thankful for our many understanding friends who (hopefully) haven't written us off.

Lastly, I have also scheduled some "me" time in. Like I mentioned, I am trying to work out or walk almost every day, I try to have a quiet time/devotional time every day, I've been getting enough sleep, and I just had an amazing shopping day all to myself. My wonderful mother took Mebira after kindergarten for me (Mebira loved it - they did lots of crafts, English lessons...I really have the best mother) and I spent the day shopping. I was SOOOO happy. I walked through the mall with a smile on my face for almost the whole day. Unfortunately, we are on a tight budget so it was hard to see so many things and not buy them...but I still had a great time.

Anyway, I can't say I'm an expert on this at all...I've struggled with this for years and I've only felt in balance for the last month or so...but I hope I'm learning things that will enable me to stay this way!