Some pictures

(Above) Her first slurpee and Doritos. I guess she liked it!?

(Above) These were dresses we bought for the girls on our first trip in Ethiopia. By chance, Mebira got the yellow one which happens to be her favourite colour. The girls wore these on the first Sunday we went to church. So cute!

(Above) Here they are playing barbies together. Thanks, Heidi Belter - they LOVE them!

(Above) I love her kisses! She's pretty affectionate and gives great hugs and kisses!

(Above) Posing before church again. This was my attempt at doing flat twists at the front. I left the back loose.

(Above) The Schimke girls!

(Above) A new addiction - bead art. She has done close to 10 in the last 3 days.

(Above) This girl has determination. She started out being able to jump twice in a row. She's now up to 25 times without stopping!

(Above) Snuggle time with Dad.

(Above) Our first family portrait!!

Moving along...

Things are still moving along fairly well. I almost feel guilty when I know what other people have to deal with. After the difficulty in our first week home, we've been trucking along quite well. I know that every child grieves in different times and in different ways and our time with her will still come, but until then we are enjoying this peace while it lasts!!

A few thoughts:

• The communication is coming along fairly well. Mebira understands most basic commands now (get dressed, put on pj's, wash your hands, come to the table, clean up, put your shoes on, get your jacket, let's go to the playground, we are walking, etc. etc.) and she is also starting to talk more and more. Some of her favourite words are television (she asks for this every day, but usually says tevelision), more, and I have to say that she is getting very good at saying "please, mommy" and "thank you, mommy". She even remembers to say thank you after each meal more than some other members in my family. It's cute because she will usually say "Say thank you, mommy". We would always teach her by telling her "Say..." so now she thinks that's part of it. :-)
• I'm trying to remember if I posted that we had her skype with a few of her friends from Ethiopia last week. These were friends with whom she was in the orphanage with. I thought she would be so thrilled to talk Amharic to them and finally have someone understand her. I couldn't believe that on the 3 occasions she did this with different friends, she only wanted to speak English. After much encouragement she spoke a little bit with one friend, but by the last one she refused. She told me she only wanted to speak English. Seeing as neither of the girls knew much English, they just repeated what they knew. They have "Hello. How are you?" and "I am fine thank you, how are you?" down very well. They would repeat it over and over and over. Very funny!
• We enjoy going for walks, and as the girls' school is just around the corner we often walk there if we are not on our way somewhere else, in which case we'll take the car. When we go to the girls' school (4 times a day as we get them for lunch) she will always ask if we're taking the car or walking. I will often answer "walk, walk, walk". One day she asked where Daddy is and I said "working". She asked, "walk, walk, walk?" and I said, "No - work". She didn't seem to get it and she said, "Daddy, walk, walk walk". I have a feeling she thinks Daddy leaves in the morning, walks around Edmonton all day and then comes home very tired at night. :-)
• Speaking of Daddy, I feel very bad for him. He is under a lot of pressure and stress at work, and then he feels pressure to be with his dad at the hospital (this isn't from anyone else, he wants to be there for his dad) but then he also feels pressure to be home (and yes, sometimes I help him feel the pressure). I totally feel bad for him because he has so much going on in his life, but it's hard sometimes when our days aren't going so well at home. Our adoption is going great, and so much better than it could be going, but it is still exhausting. I still need to keep a constant eye out for Mebira to ensure she's not getting into something she shouldn't be, to ensure the girls are all playing fairly, to comfort her when she's having a fit, to make sure she is always reassured that we have food and water available to her, etc, etc, etc. She also needs oral medicine twice a day, topical medicine twice a day, oil on her hair and lotion on her body once a day...it's a lot to keep track of with everything else going on. Needless to say that by the evening I am pooped...and even more so if Arvid works all day and then goes to the hospital (which is a good thing) on his way home.
• There are only 3 days left of school. I'm thrilled to not have to rush out of the house anymore, but a little bit nervous about having all 3 girls at home all summer. Having just G&E is no problem, and having just Mebira is working out well, too...but there tend to be more issues and more drama when it's all 3. This is the new normal, though, and I know it will definitely be a memorable summer.

Anyway, I need to sign off now. I will be posting a new post with some pictures soon. You can check out my very amateur attempts at her hair. :-)

2 weeks home

We've been home for 16 days now, and we picked up Mebi nearly 3 weeks ago.

If you've been reading our blog, you'll remember that the first week home was very tough. She was pushing the limits and fighting us on everything. I'm happy to report that the last 8 days have been amazing. I'm not naive enough to think that this will last forever, but it's quite a nice streak we're on. She is generally happy, eats well, plays well and is even obeying pretty well. Now, she's not perfect, just like none of the rest of us are, but I'd say I don't notice much difference between her behaviour and that of our bio kids when they were that age...which is amazing since she's been through so much. Of course there are little things like bedtime that went easier with them, but we're working on it and if that's the worst of our troubles right now we have nothing to complain about.

I'm also happy to report that we have completed the last of our stool samples today. YAH! It's funny how you hear things before you adopt and you just can't imagine how that will work when you actually have to do it. The stool samples went off without a hitch (nothing like bribing with a candy...now she wants to give stool samples every day! :-) ) and the doctor's appointment went well last week also. The only one that we had a bit of a fight on (and I can't blame her at all!) was the bloodwork. She is being tested for so many different things, and they had to take soooo many vials of blood. Luckily Arvid was there to help - we had one nurse taking blood, one holding her arm, Arvid held her body and I tried to distract her with books, sucker, gum, whatever worked. It was not my favourite time (she was screaming and crying so hard and so scared) but she didn't end up "de-attaching" from us at all...she just kept telling us about her "koosil" (owie) and we kept kissing her and hugging her and telling her how well she did.

The girls are all still playing really well together. It is so neat to see the changes that I never expected. I think Mebira has G wrapped around her little finger. Before this, G didn't like going outside, and didn't like kisses. Now she lets Mebira give her a full-on kiss on the mouth (and sometimes it's even wet!!), and G will go outside with her anytime she wants. E is also a great big sister...she's probably struggling the most since she was the baby before Mebira came along. If anyone has any advice on how to best deal with this I would appreciate it!

Until later...

Details on Mebira's Past

I totally understand the curiosity that occurs when adopting a child. Almost always the first question we get asked is "What happened to her parents?". I'm sure I have asked that question to numerous adoptive parents myself before we adopted.

As you probably know, we are letting Mebira tell her story if and when she's ready, and to whom she wants to tell it.

An adoption organization, Rainbow Kids, (and my friend Laura) posted this and I thought it was so good that I wanted to share it with you. It describes in more detail some of the struggles we have, and why we have chosen to keep many details in her life private:

Privacy Matters in Adoption
June 01,2011 / Elisabeth O'Toole
The following excerpt is from the book: In on it: What adoptive parents would like you to know about adoption

When my husband and I were in the process of completing our first adoption, an established adoptive family invited us to their house to talk with us and answer some of our questions about adoption. Feeling all flush with adoption information and maybe wanting to demonstrate just how ready I felt I was to become part of the adoption community, I asked what I thought was an insider's question. I asked, in front of their 6-yer-old child, what they knew about his birthmother. Looking back, I see just how gracious his mother was. She glanced at her son, who appeared to be occupied with his cars (though now that I've watched my own son look busy while eavesdropping, I realize that this boy was completely tuned in to our conversation), and said to me, "You know, that's not something we talk about outside of our family." Of course it wasn't. I was breaching the boy's privacy. I could still kick myself for asking that question. I wish I'd known better. But karma being what it is, I've now had plenty of opportunities to try to respond graciously to other people's personal questions about my children.

People sometimes ask adoptive parents questions of a far more intimate nature than they'd ask a biological parent. From an adoptive parents' point of view, "What do you know about the birthmother?" is a question just as presumptuous as asking a biological parent, "What did you use to get pregnant?" People who were adopted do not forgo their right to the same level of privacy as others. An adoptive child has no less of a right to privacy about his personal information than any grown-up or non-adoptive child.

That said there is valid confusion about what is private adoption information and what is okay to ask about. The not-very-satisfying answer is that boundaries around privacy are likely different for every family and will differ from person to person.

Adoptive parents struggle with the public/private nature of adoption all the time. They are challenged to balance their family's sometimes obvious public status as an adoptive family with the privacy of the family's individuals. Most adoptive families are proud of their families and want to present a positive attitude about adoption to others, particularly their children. The precarious task for adoptive parents is to be open enough about adoption that their children don't see adoption as a secret or as something to be ashamed of, while at the same time taking care not to compromise the right to privacy of everyone involved. So, even as they're trying to protect their children's privacy, adoptive parents are also trying to normalize adoption for their children and for others around them.

An important reason that parents try to control the dissemination of their children’s information has to do with the fact that the child himself, particularly a young child, often does not yet know all of his own personal information. Parents are responsible for safeguarding facts about the child's life for the child until he or she is of an appropriate age to hear it. If the child's information becomes too commonly known, adoptive parents risk the child hearing things before he or she is ready. One adoptive mother tells of her daughter learning she had biological siblings in a very abrupt way, when another sibling used it to wound her in an argument. The parent had intended to discuss this under gentler circumstances, and when she felt her daughter was ready to hear it. This mother wished she'd been more careful about sharing her daughter's personal information with others, even within her own family.

Privacy Plans
Until the child is old enough to manage his own personal information, it is your loved ones' very important responsibility to maintain and protect the child's privacy on his behalf. Adoptive parents need to actively think through what information is 'in-house,' and what information is for public consumption. One family kept two photo albums of their new son. One, the "public" album, remained on the coffee table for viewing by all of the visitors coming to see their child. It documented bath times and park visits and other images typical of any new family. Another "private" album was for just the immediate family and included things like pictures of the child's foster family, the first meeting between the parents and child, and other very personal moments in the inception of this new family.

I suggest that new adoptive parents, including those still in the adoption process, develop for themselves what I call the Privacy Plan. They decide what information is off-limits (e.g. birthparent information, certain details about early living conditions, specific reasons the child was available for adoption) and have a plan for responding to inappropriate questions. For example, when someone asks me what I "know about" my child's birthmother or for some other information about his personal history, I’ve developed a standard reply: "That’s not my information to share." I try to keep it simple; I say it lightly and move on. People usually get the idea pretty quickly. They don't mean to overstep. Often they've just never thought of it that way before.

Some parents will be comfortable sharing some of the intimate information about their children with those close to them. Some may, in fact, share more than you might want to know about a child's personal history. Not every adoptive parent has developed boundaries about their child's privacy nor has it occurred to them to do so. But I've long been guided by the experience of one adult adoptee who recalled how much it bothered her to hear her mother talk about her adoption with strangers who approached them when they were out in public (grocery stores again). She felt that her private life was being discussed casually with people she didn't even know. But until she was old enough to articulate her own feelings, her mother was unaware that she was compromising her daughter's privacy.

Sometimes an adoptive family will encounter someone who really presses them for information, who feels they have the right to know all about a child's personal history, often because the child is now a relative. Know that, in general, unless it's a health issue or some other aspect of background that impacts how you interact with the child at present, you are probably not entitled to detailed information about the child's background before the time that the child entered the family. Much of a child's personal information can wait until such time as the child can choose to share it himself.

So where is the middle ground? The fact of an adoption is not something to be ignored or treated as a secret. Family and friends will have questions. Following are a few rules of thumb to follow when it comes to asking questions about a child and his adoption:

For Friends and Family, a few suggestions:

Not in front of the child
Critically, no matter what adoption questions you have, try not to ask them in front of the child. It's a recurring complaint among adoptive parents that people ask inappropriate questions in front of their children (as in me asking about the birthmother in front of the child). Even if you feel assured that any question you have is legitimate, the parents will thank you for asking it out of the child's presence. Remember that even a child's adoptive status is not a matter for casual conversation (i.e., "Was he adopted?"). In fact, many adoptive parents, though they may make significant eye contact or vague comments indicating a mutual recognition when they encounter other apparently adoptive families, say they try to respect the privacy of their children and other adoptive children and don't comment on or question their apparent connection with strangers.

Ask yourself: Why do you want to know?
There's an important new person in the life of your loved ones and you want to know everything about them. But before you ask a question about the child, in order to determine whether it may be relevant, one strategy is to ask yourself, "Why do I want to know this?" If you don't have a good answer, maybe it's not information you need to have. Ask yourself if you should know about things like the existence of siblings or the role of the birthfather before the child is able to know and understand it himself. Remember that it's the child's information first, even if he doesn't yet know all of it.

Don’t take boundaries personally
Do try not to take it personally if you're told, hopefully graciously, that certain information is off-limits to you. You don't mean to intrude. But parents have to let you know where their boundaries stand. It's part of their responsibility to the child. If you have questions, consider framing them so that they show you to recognize there are boundaries around some information: "Please let me know if I’m overstepping, but I wondered…"

All of the child’s information is precious
Finally, it's helpful if those who hold any private information about the child are careful not to treat it casually. It's not fodder for small talk; rather it's precious and should be treated as such. Sometimes you will have the opportunity to discuss the child's adoption with someone who doesn't know the family or the child. Remember that you show respect for the child and for adoption by preserving the child's privacy, even when you don’t have to. When it comes to protecting a child’s privacy, you can provide tremendous support to your loved ones: by understanding what information is personal, by respecting the family’s boundaries, and by protecting information on behalf of the child.

What you can do:

• Understand the child’s right to own his own personal history, some of which he may not even yet know himself.
• Differentiate between secrets and privacy. Adoption is not a secret. But some information about an adoption will remain private. Recognize what information is and is not necessary for you to know about a child’s background.
• Understand the parents’ responsibility to protect their child’s privacy until such time as the child can do so for himself. Don’t take it personally when they enforce boundaries around information.
• Refrain from asking about the child’s personal history in front of the child.
• Demonstrate respect for the practice of adoption by maintaining the privacy of others, even when you don’t have to. Avoid sharing the family’s personal information, even with people who don’t know the family.

For more information you can visit www.inonadoption.com

2 weeks and 1 day

We have now been with Mebira for 2 weeks and 1 day. This week so far has gone so much better and I'm LOVING it! She seems to understand most of the rules now, and is actually generally abiding by them! She also doesn't run away when I say no to something, and she is being much more affectionate, offering up spontaneous hugs and kisses.

We had her international adoption appointment yesterday. She has scalp fungus (very common in kids from Ethiopia) which we're treating with a topical cream, and now we get to get a ton of blood work done on her, stool samples, urine analysis and immunizations. It's not going to be fun, I'm sure, but it's ultimately for her benefit.

We went out for Ethiopian food last night after her appointment. She seemed to enjoy it, but refused to talk to the Ethiopians there. She wouldn't even look at them. I don't know if she was afraid she would be taken back to Ethiopia, or what was going on, but in any case she didn't want anything to do with them. We told her we were going to an Ethiopian restaurant, and I think she thought we were in Ethiopia...she was probably wondering why we went on two long flights home when we could have just driven for 30 minutes to the north side. :-)

The sleeping is still going OK. We've still kept the girls separated, and I still sit with her at night until she falls asleep. I generally rub her back with one hand and do my Beth Moore bible study with my other hand. At first I was dreading that time, but it's actually nice now. The only problem is that I would like to work out or go for a walk at night, but once I've sat with her until she falls asleep I am totally done. I'm generally very active in the summer and my clothes are all one size smaller in the summer than winter...but since we've been home I'm just not able to keep up with exercising. I hope to get back into it again but am trying to cut myself some slack since there is only so much I can do! So if you see me squeezed into a pair of shorts, just bear with me. :-)

Mebira is such a girly girl. She loves playing with dolls, dressing up her Barbies and she's totally into Princesses. We have some princess books and princess things, but the girls don't give it much attention. It's amazing how those princess things just draw Mebira like a magnet. She tries to name them every few hours...she's got Cinderella and Snow White perfect, and is working hard on Jasmine, Belle, Mulan, Aurora, etc. :-)

Anyway, we're going to have supper soon. Thanks for taking the time to read this...I'm always humbled and touched by the thought that people read this in the midst of their own chaos. Don't forget to post the odd time - I LOVE comments! :-)

Novelty wearing off

Well, I can say that the novelty has officially worn off. The girls are starting to get irritated by some things now, and although I think she's still adorably cute, her defiance is starting to get a bit old. On the bright side, I am starting to feel like she is mine, and I really am starting to love her like my own.

But I am struggling in some areas - I can't leave her alone anywhere for fear of her getting into stuff and I'm tired of being "on" all the time. She hasn't been settling well at night so we've moved the girls out of her room so they can all have a break, and I've sat with her until she falls asleep. It worked out great last night...but means I'm sitting in that room until she's asleep and means even less down time for me. I guess I'll have lots of blogging time now. :-) She is still really testing. Most of the time she plays so well, but any time she needs correction, she will automatically keep doing it. It's so frustrating. If I say no to something, she'll immediately do it again and look at me while she does it. Every time. I think she has maybe only obeyed once. We just do continual redirection or time ins, but I am missing the almost immediate obedience we have with G&E...and I wonder if we'll ever get there with her.

Attachment is going fairly well, though. She is starting to ask to be lifted up, or has given me spontaneous hugs and kisses. She also asked to sit on my lap last night during the movie. She enjoys positive reinforcement - she loves to colour and then call me and show me her work. On Friday I had to tidy up some rooms on the main floor while she was watching a show. After a few minutes I heard "Mommy, nay!", which means "Mommy, come!" She didn't have anything to show me, she just wanted me near. Sometimes she'll look up when she's playing and we'll smile at each other. From the reading I've done, those are all good signs (I hope!).

The language has definitely been an adjustment but we are managing OK. She is starting to try more English words, and often now answers with "yes" or "no" instead of "ow" or "aye". She says some of the basics (more, thank you, please, yellow, banana, blue, pink, orange, house, the alphabet, numbers 1-15) and understands quite a few others (playground, school, sit, various body parts, etc.). Between her limited English and our limited Amharic we are getting by. I studied quite a bit before we got her...but I wish I had spent less time on the terms of endearment and affection and more time learning the boundary words. You only need to learn one or two terms of endearment (I love you and beautiful and good job goes a long way) but there are so many boundary terms (wait, stop, come, sit down, don't touch that, etc.) that you need each day!

I am so thankful we're sleeping great each night. Once she's asleep, she's out hard. I've been sleeping a good 8-9 hours a night (don't call after 9:30...I'm fast asleep!) but am still finding that I'm so tired during the day. Things are going so well and I am truly thankful because it could be so much worse, but I think the emotional adjustment is a lot to deal with and it
wears me out. We've never had much drama in our house, and it feels like there are either shrieks of laughter or shrieks of crying every few minutes now.

Anyway, I may go outside for a few minutes and soak up the sun. I'll see if G can keep an eye on Mebira...as an alternative to cleaning her room she'd probably love it. :-)

A few more days under our belts

Things are coming along nicely in the Schimke household. 2 days ago we had a pretty good day with minimal meltdowns. She did run off a bit, but didn't have any big cries and was easily distracted. Yesterday was an amazing day with no meltdowns or battles at all. Well, she had the usual 4-year old kid battles, but nothing extraordinary for a kid that age. I was amazed that we went about 36 hours with mostly peace and fun in our house.

A few more things we've learned about her:

• Her favourite colour (it seems) is yellow. She will often pick out yellow things first, and when we took her to the scarf place in Addis, with the choice of hundreds of scarves, she picked out a pure yellow one.
• She is very funny. Her sense of humour is coming out a lot now. She loves to talk gibberish really loud, and Elizabeth can't stop laughing when she does that. When she asks for something, like water, she'll say "Wuha"...and we'll say "Say 'Wuha, please Mommy". She LOVES to switch up our names and say "Wuha, please Daddy" instead of Mommy, or vice versa and giggles. She also loves to play hide and seek or hide things, and giggles when we find her/it, and she loves to be tickled.
• She loves the playground. She is amazingly agile and I can actually sit and watch her now and not be terrified that she is going to fall off something and hurt herself. We've gone almost every day to the playground, and it has been so nice to sit and enjoy the sun while she runs around.
• She keeps begging to watch Shrek and Elf. I think they watched both of those in the orphanage. She pronounces it like "Shrrrr-ek", like it's too syllables. It's probably not the most ideal activity for a 4 year old, but I think we may watch Shrek tomorrow night as a family just for fun.
• The food has been going down mostly pretty well. Bananas are a favourite treat and good bedtime snacks. She loves blackberries, is OK with strawberries, enjoys cereal or bread for breakfast, and pasta for lunch or supper. She also tolerates cheese quesedillas and loves butter chicken with naan bread. She's mostly just drinking milk and water, but did have a bit of 7Up which she loved.
• It's been so fun doing first activities with her. Yesterday she had her first slurpee (she loved it), and a popsicle today (she loved it, too) and tomorrow I'd like to try an ice cream cone. Don't judge me for the unhealthy food, but the weather is so nice it's so fun to go out and have some icy stuff to cool us down. Plus, it's so fun to see her reaction to things. I can't imagine that she would have ever had anything frozen in her life. She looks at the ice in drinks for quite a long time and is suspect of it.

Anyway, Arvid is home and I'm going to go for a walk...by myself. This will be the first time I've left Mebira for anything longer than a shower in 11 days. I am soooo looking forward to it!

Sponsor child

On the day we got Mebi we went to visit one of our sponsor children in the morning. We were hoping to see both girls, but Hanna lived in Adama and Kiddist was just outside of Addis and as we had a tight time frame we just picked Kiddist.

We are with CCF (Christian Children's Fund of Canada). They were fantastic at setting everything up for us, even on short notice. They had a nice jeep they drove us in, and brought their communications person along and an additional translator/guide and of course the driver.

We drove about 45 minutes down the Adama road (it's crazy - big semis will come head on and swerve out of your lane at the last second) and then made it to her village. They first took us to their office there - it's literally a shack with a few old computers and a filing cabinet in it. My first impression was that they use the money well that we send them. Sometimes you hear of places where you send money and then you find out they have these luxurious offices or accommodations. (Ring a bell for you Imagine people??) They showed us her file which had her original letters and report cards in it. Then we went to her house.

Kiddist and her mother greeted us and we went into her home and sat down. Had we not just been to Mebira's home, we would have thought this home was sad, but Mebira's home environment was so poor that this seemed almost nice in comparison. We gave Kiddist a backpack filled with gifts and talked to her and asked her questions for a while. She was extremely shy but adorably cute.

If you don't have a sponsor child yet, I highly recommend getting one. There are so many great organizations out there, and you truly make such a difference in their lives. They have almost nothing - and you can make a difference.

I have struggled with sponsorship versus adoption...I've wondered if we instead should have used the money for sponsorship that we used on the adoption...but in my eyes both are right, and we choose to do both. Adoption isn't an option for everyone, but I would REALLY like to encourage sponsorship for everyone.

Anyway, enough preaching. I'll attach some pictures, and have tried so many times to attach a song that our sponsor child sang for us. She had just lost a tooth and was shy about it. In Ethiopia they sing a song and throw their teeth on the roof as tradition. We've had some conversations about this on our yahoo board, so I was hoping to attach it, but blogger keeps showing up with an error. If you're interested in it, I've gotten it down to a 5MB file and can email it to you. Hopefully it is the song everyone was thinking of!

First day just Mebi and me

The girls are at school and Arvid is at work. I must admit that it feels really strange to be here by myself with just Mebi. She's being great this morning - we played play dough, then she played alone while I cleaned the kitchen and now we're outside and she's jumping on the trampoline and going down the slide.

Yesterday was a really good day, with a really hard part mixed in. We decided to do some errands in the morning since we need to get going on her name change, Alberta Health Card, etc. I thought I should do her hair before we left. She wasn't keeping her hairband in so her afro didn't look as cute anymore. We put on her Amharic Sesame Street DVD and I sectioned it into little pony tails all over her head. We all thought it looked soooo cute!

Mebi did really well on the errands - she loves being out and about and is curious but quiet while we're out. She also loves going in the car, but we do have to battle her in the car seat a bit.

We decided to send the girls to school in the afternoon and since it was almost time to send them, we stopped at McDonald's for lunch. What is it about McD's? It is universal - every kid loves it no matter where they are from! :-) I remember going there with friends who adopted from Haiti, and their son loved it right from the start, too!

Anyway, the girls went to school and Mebi did pretty well with us. We went to Costco (she "made" me pick out corn on the cob and nuts, and she also pointed out some avocados) and then came home for a bit. After school the girls played SOOO well together - on the trampoline, bubbles, Barbies, it was so heartwarming and I was so happy. I started making supper and then the wheels came off the bus. It was crazy. She had major tantrums for at least an hour. It was one battle after the other, and the worst part is that she ripped all of the elastics out of her hair. I was so mad! I tried not to make an issue of it, because that will be her weapon to use every time she's mad if I do, but still! It looked so cute and I was hoping to leave it in for a while!

We had supper (spaghetti with a healthy dose of berbere sprinkled on top, and corn on the cob), battled a bit more and then she was good as gold again. I have no idea what that was all about...she just seems to want to fight sometimes, but when she's good she's great. Bed time also went much better...she slept from about 8:30 to 6:45...now if only we could stretch that out a bit later... :-)

Anyway, I will sign off for now...I'm never sure if people are interested in these posts anymore now that we're home, but I've heard a few of you are still reading so I'll keep going for a while. :-)

Scrambled Thoughts

Just a few random thoughts I'll put together

• Our trip home from Ethiopia was a bit eye opening. When we got off the plane, we had 2 teenage girls and a mom in front of us. They had never seen an escalator before and didn't know what to do. The mom and first daughter got on OK, but the second daughter kind of freaked. She'd take a step, then get scared and jump off right away. Finally someone beside her took her hand and helped her, but she still kind of freaked and dropped half of her stuff. Poor girl. While in London, in one of my many trips to the bathroom I encountered an Eastern woman with no idea how to work the faucets. I helped her (they were automatic), and helped her with the soap (it was not automatic), and with the automatic dryer. It opened my eyes to how much we take for granted...and what a whole new world it is for Mebira. She got a real kick out of those automatic dryers - she giggled and smiled the whole time she dried her hands. She also loved flushing toilets...cheap entertainment! :-)
• Yesterday was a bit of a harder day. A lot of it stemmed from the fact that I was up at 4am and couldn't sleep any longer. The girls were tired, too so we were all a bit grumpy. We had some great times, and some not so great times. High parts: jumping on the trampoline, bubbles, hours of Barbies, first bath (she loved it), leaving her hair in a cute little afro, and when she pulled on my pants up to her chin and walked around with them. We were all howling with laughter and it was a fun bonding time. Low parts: fatigue, grumpiness and her strong will. We had a battle in the evening and she got really mad and threw a few things. We battled it out, but at the end she got tears in her eyes. I was heartbroken for her - she has been through so much and I felt such compassion for her. Plus, that was the first time I had seen her cry. Even if she hurts herself she won't cry - I think this is common with institutionalized children. The caregivers don't have time to help each time someone cries so eventually the kids learn no one comes to help them anyway so there is no point in crying. As much as I hated to see her cry, I took her in my arms, comforted her, kissed her over and over and told her in Amharic that I am her mother and that I will ALWAYS love her. I think it was good for her to see that she can come to me when she is crying, and she shared my lap with Elizabeth who was soon in tears right after.
• Sleep...the time change has been much easier on Mebira than I would have thought. She doesn't seem tired during the day (probably too much fun to get tired!), but we know she's tired by the evening. Unfortunately, she really battles bed time. She will go to bed fine, but then will be super hyper and won't settle. Arvid has been a star at getting her settled at night (he has to hold her tight for a bit until she relaxes), but once she relaxes she's out immediately. Last night was pretty good - the girls fell asleep a bit after 8 and slept until 7...finally!
  
• We kept the girls home from school yesterday and this morning, we'll send them this afternoon. I'm curious how that will go. I'm sure she'll miss them lots but it's probably good to give G&E a break from some of the drama, and good for my attachment with Mebi. I think Arvid will return to work tomorrow, too so it will be just the two of us.

Anyway, gotta solve another issue...until later...

Some favourite pictures

Our first view of Mebira

Alphabet practice

Praying before bed the first night. Here she repeated after me, often she just sits quietly

Fun at the playground

A rare moment of sitting still at the playground

Dad and daughter #3 - so cute

Yummy fruit bowls - a hit with all of us!

Getting her hair done on the last day - she sat so still!

Watching the Amharic DVD at the airport

The 3 girls together - home at last!

First day done

All in all, it was a pretty good day. I'd say it was great about 80% of the time. The girls had a great time playing together - play dough, colouring, leapster, barbie, braiding, trampoline, bubbles, chalk...Our house was spotless when we got home and it is a disaster now.

20% of the time we had behaviour issues. Some of it is from lack of understanding and communication, and the rest is just defiance. We're trying to be careful as to which battles we pick, but when we pick a battle we have to win it. So far so good. Mebira's reaction anytime she is corrected is to immediately run off and hide or withdraw. I usually go and find her, give her a kiss and tell her I love her or tickle her and then let her come back when she's ready.

It's hard for us when she withdraws. She had an issue with Elizabeth today and then refused to be near her for a while after that. Poor Elizabeth was heartbroken...the sister she had been thrilled to have, the one with whom she played with and helped all morning had rejected her and it really hurt. I can totally identify. Mebira seems to pick and choose whom she likes at the moment and if you're not on her love list it hurts. I wanted to fix things so bad but couldn't. The best I could do was to explain to Elizabeth, offer my compassion and help (and a little chocolate), and then we went and played ball to distract her. Elizabeth was giggling in no time and after a few hours things were good again between the two of them.

We've learned a few more things about Mebira - she LOVES Barney. It's so cute when she says it...she rolls her 'r'...Barrrrrney. They watched a movie tonight and pulled out some old Barney books and a CD that we had. She knew two of the songs and sang along in perfect pitch (with a cute accent, of course).

We also went to the playground today. It went fairly well. She doesn't have much fear and was able to climb up every obstacle there was.

I put the photos of all of the kids from the Transition House into her album today. She smiled and pointed at each picture and said the names. She has looked at it over and over and seems so happy to see them again. We'd love to skype with anyone who has kids her age so that they can see each other and chat (then she'll finally have someone who understands what she's saying!).

Anyway, the kids are in bed and I have to go tuck them in. Things are actually quiet upstairs right now...could I hope that they're already asleep? Not likely...but I'll keep my fingers crossed!

There's no place like home!!

We are sooooo happy to be home. Thankfully, Mebira did really well on the flight from London. At first they didn't have 3 seats together and I was a bit nervous knowing that I wouldn't have Arvid to help. Thankfully, they were able to change the seats so that we could sit together and Arvid asked for seats right near the front so that we could hit the immigration line-up first.

We were seated and nearly ready for take-off when an elderly couple came in, the woman was in a wheelchair. The arm rest in the seat in front of us was not able to move up, so the flight attendant asked if we would swap rows with them. Again, some people may view this as coincidence, but I see it as another way God was telling me He would help me through everything. It was like a little gift and assurance from him. The row we got moved to was the first row behind first class...so we had nobody in front of her (she was kicking the seat in front of her so much the first flight), and no tray table to put up and down (it was too hard to get it out of the arm rest for her, and out of sight, out of mind), and she had her own TV but it was too far for her to touch it. There was more leg room for us, and a wall we could put our feet up on. But the best part was that we put her on the floor in front of us for her nap and she slept about 5 hours and we slept a good portion of that, too. Wow! What a blessing for all of us!

The rest of the time she watched Treehouse shows...the Wiggles seemed to be her favourite. She like copying their dance moves. We arrived about 15 minutes late, went through customs and immediately in the immigration line-up. Two people were being helped, and we were first in line. It felt like forever - probably 10-15 minutes before it was our turn, and then he helped us for a good 10 minutes. By the time we left immigration, there were 8 people behind us...they were in for a long wait and I'm so glad Arvid thought of asking to move us to the front.

We got our suitcases, went out the door, and were SOOOO thrilled to have so many friends and family welcome us home. We felt so loved and supported. Thank you so much to those who came out - it was a memory I'll treasure forever. Thanks also for not overwhelming her. Everyone did great at taking turns saying hi, and keeping a bit of distance so that she was not swarmed. I wasn't sure if she would be clinging to me or not, but she was so excited to see Grace and Elizabeth. We looked at pictures every day in Ethiopia of them, and were able to skype with them a few times. Every time we mentioned Canada we mentioned Grace and Elizabeth and she was more than ready to meet them.

After some pictures and greetings she did one of her favourite things...run. She ran in circles and had a whole bunch of kids right with her. It was so cute. Now I have to work on obedience so that she will stop and come when I tell her to!

Omi and Opi brought us a delicious supper (THANKS!), and we showed Mebira around the house. She knew which room was hers right away, and looked for the dolls that were in the picture. She looked in the other rooms and then started playing Barbies. Elizabeth finally has someone to play Barbies with her!

After a bedtime snack of cereal and banana (she LOVES banana) we put the girls to bed. They wanted to sleep together so we thought we'd try it. I'm not sure if I should still be sleeping with her, but we thought it wouldn't hurt....I hope. This way it's one less transition for her...but I really hope it doesn't hurt our attachment. Anyway, Mebira was REALLY hyper and loud and didn't want to settle. She's probably not used to having any dolls or toys in her bed (our girls will play for it a bit before falling asleep) so I had to completely remove everything and firmly tell her it was bedtime. They all fell asleep around 11, and woke up a bit after 7 this morning.

Arvid woke up early and got up by 4:30...I slept until 7:20. We all had some bread (she loves and is used to Nutella on bread), and the girls have been playing Barbies for over an hour. Our house is a disaster, but it is so heartwarming to see them play together.

I will post pictures in a day or two. Thanks for following along with us!

In London

We have made it to London. We have a 9 hours layover here before we board the last plane for another 9 hours home.

We left the guesthouse at 10 and hung out at the aiport until we boarded at 12:30. Mebira did great at the airport - she did some shopping with me and played her Leapster (she's ADDICTED to that!). The flight could have been better. She was very hyper in the plane and refused to sleep. She pushed every button (light, flight attendant, TV) over and over, put the table up and down, up and down and continually pushed on the seat in front of her. Thankfully, there was no one in the seat in front of her, but we were so tired and couldn't believe she was so wired. Arvid told her sternly a number of times that it was time to sleep, but she was way too wiggly. I ended up holding her in a fetal position and she finally fell asleep around 4. Her legs were on Arvid and she kicked lots while she slept. A few times I looked over and she had one leg up high on his shoulder, foot near his face, and the other leg stretched out on his lap. I couldn't help but laugh about it...it looked really funny. We probably all only slept about 1-2 hours, but we're holding up amazingly well. I think we're just so excited to be heading home.

Another 5.5 hours until we board and then I really hope she'll be more settled and that we can sleep. Can't wait to be home!!

Leaving tonight

We are definitely ready to come home.  Today was good, but Mebira is starting to test the limits a bit more.  It's hard to focus on obedience when our attachment is so fragile and when she doesn't understand what we want and can't communicate what she wants.  We are letting her get away with some things here...it will change gradually when we're home.  She really copies other kids and I'm hoping she'll copy the girls when we're home (and that they're a good example for her!).

We leave from the guesthouse in 5 hours to the airport, wait for 3 hours, then have 27 until we're home.  It's going to be killer long.  I am not too stressed at this point...even if it sucks I know we will be home at the end and we'll be DONE!  I have a bit of stomach issues, though, and am hoping it settles before we hit the plane...or that we're close to the bathroom!  :-)

Mebira has been interesting with Arvid lately.  She doesn't want him to do anything for her, but it seems to be her way to flirt.  She'll scream "No!" in Amharic if he pushes her on the swings, for example, and says, "Mommy!" but she'll often do it with a little smile.  It's almost like she's playing hard to get with him.  She napped this afternoon and is a bit more happy and open to him so that's good. 

I gave her a shower this afternoon.  It was a new experience for both of us.  I got some special shampoo here as I've been told she has scalp fungus (can't see it, though), and then used the Hello Hydration Conditioner.  We took the braids out first and her hair looked more straight and fuzzy.  After the shower it sprung up into the cutest little ringlets - adorable!  The cook here braided her hair and I hope it lasts for 3-5 days.  Her hair is very soft (there were no knots at all!) which is great for combing, but also means that the styles don't seem to last as long.

We'd appreciate continued prayers for the last leg of this journey.  Mebira tends to shut down a bit in new circumstances...so I am sure the next few days will be really hard for her.  Plus, everyone here keeps hyping up the airplane...I'm sure for an adult it's cool, but it will probably be a big disappointment for her.  :-)

Looking forward to coming home and introducing her to everyone!

Mebi pictures

A few pictures!

Second last day

Another day is almost done...we're tired but doing well.  Mebira came out of her shell a lot more today.  She is talking to us and interacting and singing a bit.  It's been nice to see her do that.  I'm thrilled that she also loves me today.  She looks for me if I leave the room, and calls for me to show me how well she has done something.  I feel sad for Arvid because she will always pick me over him if there is a choice, but she is up in the room with him now and seems OK.  Seeing as I will be the one spending most of the time with her I'm glad she's attaching better to me at this point. 

 

There are so many first things with her - it's fun.  We went in a book store yesterday (her first store) and she went crazy.  We had to chase after her because she grabbed one book, opened it, flipped through pages and then dropped it and ran off to the next one.  It's hard, because she's so big and heavy that she's strong and harder to contain!  :-)  I think it will be a while before I go shopping with her!  I think she's a bit taller than we originally thought - I'm sure she outweighs Elizabeth and is probably close to the same height.

 

We showed her video today of our family...she thought the sledding was quite interesting. I also showed her Christmas video and I hope she doesn't think she gets presents every day!   She is starting to pick out Grace and Elizabeth on pictures and says their names in her cute little accent - I love it.

 

She copied her name on paper today, and drew some pictures.  I pulled out some felts and she coloured for at least an hour while we organized our room.  She drew perfectly in the lines - Oma would be proud!

 

I think we will be OK to have people come to the airport if you are interested.  We arrive at 6:10 pm on Saturday, June 4th.  We come in from London via Air Canada.  I'm not sure of the flight number but you can email me if you have any questions.  I think we will look terrible and be exhausted, and I am quite sure Mebira will cling to one of us and not make eye contact, but if you want to come and take pictures and say hi we'd love to see you.  She is becoming more shy around Ethiopians but is very friendly to white people - so she just may run up to you...it's hard to know.  In any case, we probably prefer that people just say hi at this point or shake her hand if she is willing.

 

Tomorrow is our last day here - we are flying out tomorrow night (late).  I will try to send one more update tomorrow if I can.  Looking forward to being home!

First day done

Well, we have completed 24 hours with Mebira now.  It went really well, and we're very happy.  She is still pretty shy with us - she won't talk much but seems content.  Her favourite toy is a little black Strawberry Shortcake character doll from Brandi.  She has spent hours playing with it.  I gave her a comb, and she has been combing, parting, combing...and this morning she decided to braid the whole head with little braids.  It is amazing how well she does that - and she has done it probably 4 times since then.  As soon as we come back in the room she goes straight for the doll and combs and braids. Maybe I can get her to do her own hair?  I'm a bit stressed about that...they braided her hair nicely before we got her but it's already starting to come out and get fuzzy!

The night went OK...she took a while to fall asleep.  I shared a bed with her and Arvid slept in a separate bed.  She was very restless through the night - she was sleeping perpendicular to me for most of the night and kept kicking me!  I didn't sleep more than about 5 hours, but she was mostly asleep from 9-5:40.  She whimpered a bit this morning, but I just stroked her back and gave her the doll and we were good to go.

We did a bit of shopping this morning and then took the kids to a playground.  I have never seen a kid run that fast and hard (she reminded me of Ethan, Sandy!).  She hasn't had a large area to play in before, and was able to run on grass, and try out all of the equipment and swings.  She can swing all on her own and went on the slide over and over and over.  She is pretty good at doing things but has no fear so we have to keep a close eye on her.

This tired her out quite a bit so we went back and had lunch and then put her down for a nap.  She was asleep within about 5 minutes and slept for 2 hours (we had to wake her up).  Tonight we did a mini shopping trip with Kids-Link Solomon and went out for Ethiopian food.  Yesterday Mebira barely ate any of her supper - we had to feed her bread and spaghetti and she barely ate any, although she did eat quite a bit of Arvid's steak. This morning, she ate a bit more (french toast) and she went to town on the fruit bowl.  For lunch she ate even more - fish and rice, but wow...we could not believe how much she ate tonight.  She stuffed that injera, spinach, doro wat, etc. in her mouth like it was her last meal.  We were almost concerned she might throw up, but she was enjoying herself so much we just let it go because that could be her last Ethiopian meal in a while.

She has been quite good with both of us.  She is still quite quiet, but is generally obedient.  Today she had a few hours where she only wanted Arvid and I struggled a bit.  I was the one who studied Amharic for hours, barely slept last night, played with her with dolls and stickers all day....I knew this could happen as she has had so many female caregivers in her life and to have a man pay her attention is probably a novelty, but it was still hard.  Thankfully, after a few hours she was happy to come to me again.

It has been hilarious to see her with Drew and Liesl's girls, though.  She totally comes out of her shell and laughs and talks non-stop.  I wish she was that way with us, but it will take time.  At least we know she has it in her.  :-)

Anyway, I'm pooped so I will head to bed.  I'll try to update this once a day until we're home.  We are really looking forward to being in our own home again!