I was asked by the editor of our church newsletter to write an article on our adoption. I thought it might be good to post on here, too since I went to all that work! Here goes...
I have envisioned writing this article for nearly three years. However, now that I’m actually sitting down to do it, I have no idea what to write. So much has happened over the last few years that I don’t know where to start, nor do I know which details to share. I think I’ll try to do it in a question and answer format – we have been asked most of these questions more times than I can count.
Why did we decide to adopt?
This is probably the longest answer so bear with me as I give some background information. We have been blessed with two wonderful biological girls, Grace and Elizabeth. As both of us are engineers, we were thrilled when Elizabeth was born exactly two years, to the day, after Grace. This meant that we could reuse all of the same baby clothes as the seasons were the same, have only one big birthday party, etc. Good planning, don’t you think? J After Elizabeth was born, we decided that we wanted to have another child, and the desire in my heart for this was HUGE. We had no issues with conceiving or pregnancy with Grace and Elizabeth, so we thought this wouldn’t be an issue but that’s not exactly how it worked out.
Our first attempt ended in an ectopic pregnancy. This could have been life-threatening but ended up being detected and treated quickly. I was happy to get pregnant again a little while later, but this pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. By this time I was starting to think that this wasn’t so cool. I was happy to get pregnant yet again, however, this pregnancy also ended in a miscarriage. You can imagine that by the time I was pregnant the next time (my fourth pregnancy since Elizabeth) I was pretty nervous and I begged and pleaded with God to let us keep that baby. I had numerous ultrasounds, saw the heart beating on a few occasions and when we finally reached the end of the first trimester we heard the heartbeat and finally decided to share our exciting news with the girls. You can imagine my devastation when I miscarried that baby only a few days after hearing the heartbeat and sharing the excitement with our girls.
I will admit that it took me quite a while to get over it. I struggled with God and came to a crisis of faith. To be brutally honest, I didn’t understand why a kind and loving God would allow a pregnancy four times, and have it yanked away each time. It changed my outlook on a lot of things, and I admit that I still don’t totally understand it all. However, I have come to acknowledge that God is God and I am not, that this world doesn’t revolve around me, and that He can redeem any situation.
After enough time had passed and I came to peace with God I fully embraced the idea of a family of four. As my brother points out – this world is designed for four. Hotel rooms, restaurant tables, packaged food all seems to be designed for a family of four and I came to appreciate the “simplicity” of “just” having two kids. However, this all changed a few months later when we attended a Haiti Children’s Home fundraiser with our good friends, Randy and Sandra. Many of you probably know that they have adopted their two kids from Haiti, and we went to this fundraiser in support of their family. What we didn’t know, is that the fundraiser ended up being a pivotal event in our decision to adopt. We saw the need and knew of the millions of orphans around the world. And we realized that we could do something to change a life. We had everything in place for a third child – we even had an empty bedroom sitting there. We had also recently received some money after the death of Arvid’s grandfather and wanted to do something meaningful with the money…so after much praying, talking, struggling, and fear, we officially decided to adopt in December of 2008.
Why did we not choose local adoption? Why did we choose Ethiopia, specifically?
There is a huge need for adoptive families across the world. I think that adopting locally is great, and I think that adopting internationally is great. For us, we decided to do international adoption as we felt that these orphans really had no hope. There are no social assistance programs in place, and if they are not cared for they will (and many are) literally dying on the streets. At the time, Ethiopia had the best program in place. The wait was supposed to be relatively short, and the less time in an institution the better.
How long did the process take?
After deciding to adopt we worked like mad to get all of our paperwork (homestudies, fingerprinting, medical testing, etc.) done and managed to have that sent to Ethiopia in May of 2009. Due to a whole bunch of crazy things happening like the Canadian side of our adoption agency going bankrupt, we went through a rollercoaster for 19 months. But on November 22nd, 2010, we go the news that we had been matched with a little four year old girl, Mebira.
What is Mebira’s story?
There is a natural curiosity that comes with international adoption. So many of the stories are tragic, and people are always interested in hearing what happened to an adopted child’s parents. Based on a lot of reading and research, we have decided to keep Mebira’s past private and will let her decide who she wants to tell, when she wants to tell it. What I can say is that she has experience a huge amount of loss in her life. She has lost the only family she knew, her country of birth, and everything that is familiar. We had the opportunity to see the village where she was born and it was straight out of a world vision commercial. She grew up in a mud hut, had to care for animals and bathe in a cold stream.
How have things been going now that she is home?
We have had a very eventful summer. About one day after we got the official ok to pick up Mebira, we got the unfortunate news that Arvid’s father had suffered a brain aneurysm. We spent every spare moment at the hospital, meanwhile throwing things in suitcases to get ready for Mebira when we were home. On June 4th we arrived home and were thrilled to introduce her to our family, especially Grace and Elizabeth. We’ve had some challenges over the months due to the language, expectations, changes in family dynamics, etc. but have been so thrilled to have her. She is an incredibly resilient kid – she embraces change and is very easy going and has handled the adoption and move to Canada so well. The girls adore their little sister, and we have had so much more laughter in our house since she has been home. Unfortunately, we’ve had some tears, too, as Arvid’s dad ended up passing away in August.
Will we adopt again?
At this point I would have to say no. However, had you asked me five years ago if I was going to adopt, I would have said, “NO WAY!” I won’t say never, as God seems to like to change those kind of plans, but at this point it is not in the plan.
Should more Christians adopt?
I believe that we are called to care for the orphans and widows (James 1:27) and I would love to see more families adopt as there is such a huge need. Although they tried their best in the orphanage, an institution is not an ideal situation for a child to grow up in. I understand adoptions isn't feasible for everyone, though. I would, however, like to encourage each family to look at how they can better support the orphans of the world – sponsorship is a fantastic way, and smaller things like Operation Christmas Child shoeboxes are great, too.
How can I find out more?
If you have any questions on miscarriage or adoption we would love to chat with you.
One final thought…if you had told me during the darkest days of my miscarriages if that situation could ever have been turned around for good, I would not have believed you. However, looking back on it, I can see that God redeemed the situation and did, in fact, bring beauty out of the ashes (Is. 61:3). Had we not experienced those miscarriages, we would not have adopted…it wouldn’t have even been on our radar screen. Yet through the adoption we have not only been blessed in return, but been able to change a life in the process. I praise God that He is bigger than all of our well laid plans.
(Above) We took the yarn braids out after 3 weeks. I loved them and once they were in they were sooooo easy! But I did miss playing with her hair and trying new styles. This is still one of my favourite styles on her. Look at those beautiful curls at the back! But she doesn't like any part of her hair in an afro - she thinks it looks messy and asks for braids...so this only stayed for one day.
(Above) She coloured this picture, and at the top she wrote "I love Mom". Her spontaneous expression of love is coming more and more often and I treasure each one. The other day she said she loved me and I asked if she loved me a little bit or lots and lots? And she replied that she loved me lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots...
(Above) What can I say...our girls have loved the Disney princesses. E decided to draw each one - so cute!
(Above) I decided to try a new style - the veil style. So far it has been in 3 days and looks as good as the first. I think it will get easier as her hair gets longer...I'm having a bit of trouble with adding the last of the first braid into the new braid...it's short and sticks out a bit. I think I'll add a bead next time at each connection and that should make it a bit smoother. I did it around her whole head but may just do the veil style on the top and box braids in the back next time. All in all, I think it's a pretty cute style.
Well, we had our follow-up dentist appointment yesterday. G is not overly fond of the dentist (to put it mildly) so we had her referred to a pediatric dentist when she needed to get some discing done. We decided to bring Mebira to the same place since we knew as soon as we saw her that she'd need work done on her teeth. And since we had 2 kids there already we thought we'd bring E along, too. G passed her cleaning and exam with flying colours, and we got the news that E had one cavity and Mebira needed work on five teeth.
