Christmastime was here

In case you were wondering, we didn't do a Christmas letter or cards this year.  I'm not exactly sure why...I just wasn't very inspired.  So no, you're not on the naughty list...I was the naughty one.  :-)

This year was probably the best Christmas ever.  The kids were old enough to stay up late and not be grumpy the next day, yet they still were young enough to be super excited.  Here are some pictures to sum up the last few weeks:

I've mentioned before about our favourite snacky suppers around the tree that we try to do at least once a week in December.  I'll start with that:

Mebira, putting together a veggie plate for our snacky supper.

December 23rd...almost Christmas!

We each pick a Christmas carol or two, blast the tunes and sing along.

Yes, it's December 23rd but I thought we could sneak in one present early.  :-)

Christmas Eve - the big night for our family.  Here we are at my brother and sis-in-law's house with my side of the family.  Such a fun evening!

The newest member of our extended family, Jasper.

Reading the Christmas story...on an ipad.  That was a first.  :-)

The girls and their wonderful cousins.

Our happy family.

Time to dive right in.  Mebira got a ton of Barbie stuff!

G got an e-reader for Christmas - a big highlight.

An ipod dock - a huge hit.

Christmas morning stockings

Mmmmmm....Christmas morning breakfast with fresh berries, cinnamon buns, and bacon!

We saved a present for Christmas Day.

This Christmas has been great because M and E are so happy playing with Barbie stuff all day, and G is reading and reading and reading on her e-reader!

Some rare downtime for E.

G and her e-reader.

Mebira got a few Barbie colouring books and has been colouring for HOURS over the holidays.  This is her favourite place to colour...on the floor.

Arvid and I were a little stressed to make the turkey.  Thankfully, it seemed to turn out quite nicely.

Before dinner Caesar with my bro-in-law!

Arvid and his sister, Lynelle.  We are sad that their parents are no longer around to celebrate with us, but we are so happy to keep up the Schimke tradition each year.

Eric provided some much needed instruction on carving the turkey!

We play charades in order to determine who gets to open presents first...if you can get it right then you get to open first!

The 7 girl cousins hanging out.

So proud to have such amazing nieces and daughters!

Canadian!

Well, we are nearing the end of four years' worth of paperwork!  As of October 30, 2012, Mebira is officially a Canadian.  We received her Canadian citizenship paper last week and are now in the process of applying for her passport, and then all of her adoption related paperwork is FINALLY complete!  Seriously...there has been so much...never ending piles of papers, checklists...from the day we made the decision to adopt until now that it just feels bizarre to finally be done.  :-)

(For those of you keeping track, we came home PRV, applied for her citizenship in May/12, and received her citizenship less than 6 months later.  The website is estimating current wait times as 22 months so I was THRILLED to get it so soon.  Hopefully we will be done with cross border interrogations now.  What is it with the power trips those customs officers are on, anyway?  OK, I digress...)

I haven't posted much lately as life has been busy.  Thankfully, things are looking up a bit...many of the things that our kids were struggling with are starting to stabilize now.  I honestly think that anxiety in one and identity/adoption issues in the other will be lifelong issues that will increase in intensity and settle down again in waves.  For now, I'm enjoying a bit of a breather and time to get ready for Christmas.  I've had Christmas music on steady since October (and I only pulled it out once or twice in August and September) so I'm glad that the rest of the world has finally    caught up.  :-)

I also haven't posted any pictures because our camera has been missing since September.  I have a sneaking suspicion it got thrown out with the wrapping paper after the girls' birthdays since we haven't seen it since.  Good news, though - we got a new camera so I'll attach a few pictures.

Finally a Canadian Citizen!

We love her little afro.  I had her hair in a bunch of box braids and I only had time to take them out so I left it as an afro for a few days.  It's adorably cute but man do I pay for it after in the detangling process!!

I LOVE my girls!!

This was on the night of Arvid's Christmas party.  We had a wonderful night being wined and dined - it was such a treat to get out and be spoiled!

A new phase

A few months ago I remembered saying that I wish I could pause life right where it was.  Things have definitely changed...iff I had a remote control now, I think I would either rewind or speed ahead a bit.  Unfortunately, I can't do that...so I'll try to make the best of where I am now.

I'm not sure exactly what has happened over the last few months, but it feels like family life has changed a lot.  We are making quite a bit of headway with our child suffering from anxiety, but the drama and emotional turmoil is something we still need to work through every. single. night.

The part that I'm most unsure of is the attachment issues with Mebira.  It has me second guessing absolutely everything right now.  Last year felt like a perfect balance...school in the morning to help her socialize, and learn English faster, and the afternoons with me to help with bonding, attachment, etc.  However, because she was in the system already and Kindergarten was done, Grade 1 was the next logical step this year.  She has handled the transition easier than any of our bio girls - she can handle a ton of activity and loves school.  BUT, I can't help but wonder if school is the reason why we are having some issues now.  She is at school all day, although I do try to get the girls for lunch 2-3 times a week.  After school, we do have some activities, although not a ton, but when we are home she is often colouring or playing Barbies with Elizabeth.  I love to see them play together, but that one-on-one time that I used to have with her is not existent. 

I can't even put my finger on exactly what is different.  At home she is pretty much the same...happy, pretty affectionate, easy going.  The main difference is when we are out now.  She is REALLY struggling with being the only one who looks different in our family.  She is embarrassed to acknowledge me at school, or at tae kwon do, or when we are out shopping.  Last year she seemed oblivious to this, or was more worried about fitting in with our family.  Since the start of grade 1 she is really worried about what other people might think or say...maybe I can hope that it is because she feels comfortable with us now and is moving on to worrying about other people... 

Last week I decided to take Mebira out of school in the afternoon and have a special date with her.  I could theoretically do this in the evening, but then I am taking away from family time, or I am then setting myself up for dates with different kids each night.  Anyway, on our date we stopped at the dollar store.  She spontaneously gave me a big hug in the store (which I loved as it's getting more and more rare in public).  Right after she did this, she seemed so embarrassed and she immediately put her hood of her sweater on, and then the hood of her jacket on top.  I asked her why she did this, and she said it was because she didn't want people to know that she had different skin from me.

Poor girl - I feel so bad for her.  It must be so tough to feel different all the time.  Yesterday I had a fun afternoon shopping with my bio girls G and E...and even I noticed how "normal" we looked.  It was nice to just be anonymous and not stick out...and I can't imagine how much harder it is for Mebira to feel like she is different all the time.  We go to a pretty ethnically diverse school (but she is the only adopted one in her class), there are other adoptive families at church, we do amharic language lessons once a month with lots of other adoptive families...but maybe there is more we should be doing.  Or maybe it's just a phase where she is determining her identity.

We had originally wanted siblings...and I can't help wondering if it would have been "easier" for her to have had a sibling.  Aside from adopting again, do any of my adoptive peeps have any words of wisdom for me?

If you can spare 1.5 hours...

Arvid and I recently watched a really good documentary on international adoption.  It is very thought provoking, and does such a good job of realistically portraying the challenges in bringing a child from another culture here.  It should almost be required watching for anyone who is thinking of adopting internationally, and I would love if any of our friends and family could spare some time to watch this documentary.  I feel it would really help people grasp some of the challenges that she is facing and will continue to face her whole life.

So often people think how lucky kids are who have been adopted...when in reality, an adopted child is not lucky at all.  Sure, it's great that Mebira is not in an orphanage any longer, but in order to end up in our family she had to lose everything that she holds dear...her birth family, her language, her culture, her identity, familiar food/smells/customs...

We are planning on going back to Ethiopia...hopefully in the spring of 2014.  Although I'm hoping this will be a positive experience in teaching Mebira about her culture and history, we also plan on visiting her relatives and I'm quite nervous about that.  Imagine seeing a long lost, much loved relative who you haven't seen in years...but you are no longer able to converse with them anymore.  The documentary shows what is like for a child to go back...and I bawled through a good portion of it.

If you can spare 1.5 hours sometime, especially if Mebira is a part of your life, I would love if you can watch this http://ww3.tvo.org/video/183287/somewhere-between .  I seem to remember that this may only be online until the end of November, so the sooner the better!

The New Normal

I realize that I have been completely slacking on this blog and am not sure if anyone is even still out there.  I'm thinking of stopping the blog...we are now home over a year and have experienced most of the firsts.  However, I'm kind of in the mood right now so I will write a little update on life in the Schimke household:

September was a complete shock to my system.  We had such an amazing summer - we had a great vacation, I took a lot of time off of work, most days we didn't have much planned...and then September came.  Work at the church was incredibly busy with fall kick-off, my work at GE exploded and I was working most evenings and weekends on those projects, then we had to be up and at it so early (I am NOT a morning person), the kids came home with a million forms, piano, AWANA and tae kwon do resumed, Arvid was super stressed at work, and it was getting cold out.  I actually went through a mild depression...I was under intense stress and just couldn't quite accept the new normal.  I found that I had absolutely no margin in my days...there was not even time for TV, working out, I barely squeezed in quick devotional times, and the kids complained a lot that I was working all the time.

In addition to all of that, one of my girls has been going through a lot of intense anxiety and it has been really hard to watch.  I don't want to get into any big details online, but she is transformed into a totally different kid each evening when the anxiety kicks in.  We are doing all we can at this point, but we've been struggling with this for our fourth month now.

On the adoption/attachment front, things have been a bit harder now that Mebira has started Grade 1.  I try to get the girls for lunch so they get a break and we get a bit more time together, but it is hard having Mebira gone all day...I really miss our special afternoons together that we had last year.  She is thriving in Grade 1 so far, and comes home ready for the next activity or just playing Barbies or colouring with E.  They are such good buddies - it's amazing to watch.

We did have a tough issue last week - I noticed some different behaviour from Mebira at school - she was pulling away from me and didn't want to be kissed or hugged and was distant.  We had quite a talk about it later...she admitted that one of the brown kids in her class was asking questions about me and why I was peach-skinned, and she said that she was embarrassed that Dad and I were peach-skinned.  I was fully prepared for the embarrassment on one hand...I was expecting this at some point, but fully unprepared for this on another hand as I just wasn't expecting it so soon.  The hardest part was when I told her that everyone at school already knew that I was her mom, and that although I understood that it was hard, everyone at school already knew.  She answered with, "But I don't want them to know that you're my mom." 

Oh my, that was hard to take.  I fully understood where she was coming from...she just wanted to fit in, and be "normal"...so far a lot of the black children we have seen have been adopted...and this was the first time in a while that she had been with a black kid with a black mom who may not have known she was adopted.  I admit that I reacted out of hurt at first...it stabbed my heart...but I also fully understand.  I am glad she's open to talking to us about it, I'm glad she said she feels totally comfortable at home and at church, but I also know that this is one of the down sides of international adoption and it is something we will face over and over.  I hesitate sharing this online, especially as there is so much more to this story, but I also want people to know that this is a reality...and that although we have had such a super easy transition, there are also issues that we face.

Anyway, things in our lives have stabilized a lot...I'm only working during the day while the kids are in school now, and am finding a lot more balance.  I'm not perfectly there yet, but have had some down time in the evenings again, have been going to BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) and doing my homework faithfully and actually started working out again this week.  The weather has been so cold this week but I've embraced the cold by drinking more hot coffee, keeping nice candles lit at home and yes, listening to Christmas music.  :-)

Other than the issues I mentioned above, the girls are doing great.  I'm shocked how well Mebira can read already...she is such a smart kid!  We are working on redoing G's room for her 10th birthday, and E continues to be such a great big sister and friend.  We are heading to amharic lessons today as a family, and then picking up some Ethiopian food for supper - yum!

Until the next time...thanks for reading!  :-)

Road Trip!

We have had such an amazing summer.  Not only has the weather at home been fantastic, but we took an almost 2 week road trip.

Our first stop was to Panorama Mountain Resort just out of Invermere, BC.  We rented an awesome 2 bedroom condo with room for up to 6 people so we had tons of space to hang out in, cook meals, watch the Olympics, etc.  The weather was just right and we had lots of fun enjoying the heat of the pool during the heat of the afternoon, and going running or for long walks.

On our way to the pool...something we did every day.

It's so nice now that the kids can take pictures...we actually make it in some shots for a change.  :-)  We were fortunate enough to find chairs around the pool each day.  The kids sat out and read sometimes, but mostly played in the pool.  Arvid was a great dad and swam with them a lot...and I was happy to sit on the lounge chairs and soak up some sun!

The extra time that Arvid was around really made a difference in his relationship with Mebira.  She is good with him, but not overly affectionate.  On this trip, however, she started to really be more affectionate with him and it was so cute to see them bond.  That's me working in the background...I had to work a bit on our trip...I didn't totally mind it because I was able to just do a bit every day and I conveniently did it when it was time to cook supper.  :-)

Panorama has a gondola you can ride on for free to get from the lower to upper village.  We were already in the upper village and didn't need to ride it, but E&M had so much fun riding it that we would go up and down at least once a day.  It was like a free Disneyworld ride!  :-)

On one of our evening walks.  This was one of my favourite memories of the whole trip.  We went for a super long walk and the kids didn't complain once.  E&M talked and walked the whole time together, and Arvid and I had a nice long conversation with G.  She has matured so much this summer...it's like having another mini adult around.

Mmmmmm....there's nothing like BC fruit.  We stopped at a fruit stand and loaded up.

On a "cooler" day we went shopping in Invermere.  Of course we stopped at the candy store and found some treasures.    We also had to stop at the German bakery and enjoy some whole wheat cinnamon buns and freshly baked pretzels.  YUM!

This was another highlight for me.  I didn't start drinking coffee until a few years ago, but I'm into it with a vengeance now...into lattes, that is.  I am quite particular, though, and nothing beats a Second Cup skinny vanilla bean latte in my opinion.  However, this vanilla latte from Kicking Horse cafe tasted sooooo good.  Mmmmm...I crave another one!

G started a new hobby - cross stitch!  She did such a great job and worked so hard on this.

Our next stop was to drive down to Sandpoint, Idaho.  It's only another 3 or 4 hours south of Panorama, and it was so beautiful.  It's like a mini Kelowna - super hot...and it had a WALMART!  :-)  We came to the beach on the first day at about 9:30 in the morning because it was so hot by the afternoon.  The beach was almost deserted that early.

Is this the life or what??

We walked to town one day and nearly melted in the heat so we stopped for ice cream on the way back.  Yikes those American sized portions are HUGE!

We did a bit of shopping...OK a lot of shopping.  We managed to convince Arvid to go to WalMart 3 of the 4 days we were there.  Seriously, Walmart in the states is so fun - so many different flavours of chips and candy, and everything is so cheap!  The day we didn't go to WalMart we went to Spokane and spent a whole day shopping - TJ Maxx, Ross, Burlington Coat Factory, Payless, Sally Beauty, Target (which carries Mebira's Kinky Curly Hair produts...yah!), and a mall.  The girls had their own money to spend and were totally into it...poor Arvid wasn't so into it, though but he was a good trooper.

Ahhh...one of my favourite stops in Sandpoint.  Starbucks!

My beautiful GEMs

Wow...do they look like sisters or what?

G, who is NOT a lover of dogs, was thrilled to find this sign at the park we went to.

The evenings there were so warm...still 28 or 29 at 9 at night.  We played bocce a few evenings - such a fun game to play with the kids.

Good thing it was evening...I could imagine that slide getting quite hot during the day!

We spelled something....can you read what it is?

no comment...

Arvid payed us back for all that shopping and made us go on a hike.  Normally I like hiking, but when it's nearing 30 and we took our life in our hands to make it down the road to the trailhead (seriously, the road was worse than any I had seen in Ethiopia) it wasn't quite as fun.  The girls were great sports, though.

The pictures don't quite do it justice...that's the lake in the background below with mountains surrounding the lake.  Truly beautiful!

I LOVE my girls!  I am truly blessed to be able to be a mother to my three amazing girls!

Mmmmm....post hike reward.  I could have stayed there all afternoon!  On the deck of Starbucks, overlooking the lake, in +33 degree weather, sipping an icy frappucino.  Mmmmm...

The city beach has a beautiful park as well.  On our last day we came to play bocce and frisbee.

Another use for bocce balls...hmmm...maybe I should have thought of that!  :-)

Beautiful Sandpoint beach...our last night.

Married for 12 years and still so in love.  I'm blessed to have such an amazing husband!

Well, that sums up our trip.  We had a wonderful time and were a bit sad to come home, but very thankful to come home to a great house, good jobs, amazing family, friends and church.  And now the countdown is on until we can do it again!  :-)