The New Normal

I realize that I have been completely slacking on this blog and am not sure if anyone is even still out there.  I'm thinking of stopping the blog...we are now home over a year and have experienced most of the firsts.  However, I'm kind of in the mood right now so I will write a little update on life in the Schimke household:

September was a complete shock to my system.  We had such an amazing summer - we had a great vacation, I took a lot of time off of work, most days we didn't have much planned...and then September came.  Work at the church was incredibly busy with fall kick-off, my work at GE exploded and I was working most evenings and weekends on those projects, then we had to be up and at it so early (I am NOT a morning person), the kids came home with a million forms, piano, AWANA and tae kwon do resumed, Arvid was super stressed at work, and it was getting cold out.  I actually went through a mild depression...I was under intense stress and just couldn't quite accept the new normal.  I found that I had absolutely no margin in my days...there was not even time for TV, working out, I barely squeezed in quick devotional times, and the kids complained a lot that I was working all the time.

In addition to all of that, one of my girls has been going through a lot of intense anxiety and it has been really hard to watch.  I don't want to get into any big details online, but she is transformed into a totally different kid each evening when the anxiety kicks in.  We are doing all we can at this point, but we've been struggling with this for our fourth month now.

On the adoption/attachment front, things have been a bit harder now that Mebira has started Grade 1.  I try to get the girls for lunch so they get a break and we get a bit more time together, but it is hard having Mebira gone all day...I really miss our special afternoons together that we had last year.  She is thriving in Grade 1 so far, and comes home ready for the next activity or just playing Barbies or colouring with E.  They are such good buddies - it's amazing to watch.

We did have a tough issue last week - I noticed some different behaviour from Mebira at school - she was pulling away from me and didn't want to be kissed or hugged and was distant.  We had quite a talk about it later...she admitted that one of the brown kids in her class was asking questions about me and why I was peach-skinned, and she said that she was embarrassed that Dad and I were peach-skinned.  I was fully prepared for the embarrassment on one hand...I was expecting this at some point, but fully unprepared for this on another hand as I just wasn't expecting it so soon.  The hardest part was when I told her that everyone at school already knew that I was her mom, and that although I understood that it was hard, everyone at school already knew.  She answered with, "But I don't want them to know that you're my mom." 

Oh my, that was hard to take.  I fully understood where she was coming from...she just wanted to fit in, and be "normal"...so far a lot of the black children we have seen have been adopted...and this was the first time in a while that she had been with a black kid with a black mom who may not have known she was adopted.  I admit that I reacted out of hurt at first...it stabbed my heart...but I also fully understand.  I am glad she's open to talking to us about it, I'm glad she said she feels totally comfortable at home and at church, but I also know that this is one of the down sides of international adoption and it is something we will face over and over.  I hesitate sharing this online, especially as there is so much more to this story, but I also want people to know that this is a reality...and that although we have had such a super easy transition, there are also issues that we face.

Anyway, things in our lives have stabilized a lot...I'm only working during the day while the kids are in school now, and am finding a lot more balance.  I'm not perfectly there yet, but have had some down time in the evenings again, have been going to BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) and doing my homework faithfully and actually started working out again this week.  The weather has been so cold this week but I've embraced the cold by drinking more hot coffee, keeping nice candles lit at home and yes, listening to Christmas music.  :-)

Other than the issues I mentioned above, the girls are doing great.  I'm shocked how well Mebira can read already...she is such a smart kid!  We are working on redoing G's room for her 10th birthday, and E continues to be such a great big sister and friend.  We are heading to amharic lessons today as a family, and then picking up some Ethiopian food for supper - yum!

Until the next time...thanks for reading!  :-)